From Nervous to Natural: Steps to Empowered Speaking with Kami Guildner

Welcome back to My First Stage, where we talk to experienced public speakers about how they got started speaking on stages and what happened next. I am here with the lovely Kami Guildner. We were both just at the eWomen Icon Conference together but didn't get a chance to talk, so this is our first time actually getting to talk. I'm so excited to talk to you, Kami.

I'm so excited to talk with you, and I'm so sad that we didn't get a chance to chat last week when we were in Dallas together.

We— I passed you a few times and you— I was like, she doesn't know who I am. I can't just be like, hi, it's good to see you again, because I've only seen you on shows I've produced. Um, you wouldn't know who I was. But Kami is a business coach for movement maker women. She helps women amplify their voice, elevate their visibility, and build businesses that create both impact and prosperity. And I love that. And you had a first stage story. that needs to be told.

Am I right?

I do. I totally have a first stage story.

You totally do. Let's, let's dive right into it. I'm excited.

Okay. Okay. So my first stage was 20 years ago when I was back in the corporate world still, and my boss walked into my office. He says, I need you to fly to Houston next week and give a talk to the women of oil and gas. I was in the oil and gas software industry, and I had spent the last 2 years rebranding 2 different times because there was a whole lot of reasons why we had to rebrand twice in 2 years. But we did. And so, I knew branding in the oil and gas software industry really, really well. And so, he says, I want you to fly to Houston next week and speak to the women of oil and gas about how we've rebranded.

And I knew it deep in my heart and soul. But it terrified me. It terrified me. And so I flew, I had never been on a stage and a stage in front of 200 women and that's how big the room was. So I fly to Houston and, you know, the time comes for me to get ready. I'm standing at the back of the room. My hands are sweaty, my knees are shaking. And I walk to the front of the room and I go to speak and there was just no voice.

It's like I had a frog in my throat and it was like I could hardly get my words out.

Oh no.

And my throat was so tight and, you know, it was, you know, and so I did, you know, I eventually got, I eventually spoke, right? I mean, it's like it all, it did come out, but it was like I was shaky and I was nervous and I, it was the worst experience ever. And so fast forward a few years later, my, my business coach says to me, she says, you know, the fastest way to grow your business is to get on stages. And I was like, yeah, no, no, I'm going to grow my business in other ways because I had this horrible, horrible startup experience of speaking, right? It was just such an awful experience. And I was like, I'm going to grow my business another way. And so that was, you know, kind of where I started. And there was a point where I got clarity around what my mission and vision was. And I really wanted to impact 1 million women and helping them raise up their voice. And I had been teaching speaking in my corporate job, right? I mean, I had been, I had been raising other people's voices, but I wasn't very good at raising my own voice.

I was really good at helping other people raise their voices, but not my own. And so when I was—

Very relatable.

Yeah. And so when I wrote that, that state, that, that mission statement that I wanted to impact 1 million women raising up their voices to help them grow their businesses, I was like, I am not doing this one person at a time. The only way I'm going to do this is to get over myself. And so that was my pathway into actually learning how to speak and getting over myself. So, but that first time was really horrible.

I, I love that story because it is just so relatable. And especially like you had said, it's like, I know this stuff. I know the branding in this industry. Like, I know it so well. Katie Peterman was just on the show too, and she had to take over for her boss and do a presentation. She's like, I completely blacked out. I knew nothing. I couldn't do it.

She's like, but I wrote the presentation. Like, he was going to be presenting my words. And it's the same thing. It's like, it doesn't matter how well you know it. Sometimes, like, something in our brain just takes over and it's just like, no, no, I don't think you're gonna do this today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just like such a freeze moment. I mean, it's just, it's really a horrible space to like, just like come completely out of your body. And I mean, when I teach speaking today to my clients, we talk about how do you get in your body so that that doesn't happen. So you don't get into those freeze modes. But I didn't have those, those skill sets or those tool sets back then. And that very first time around.

Yeah, I, I love this about this show. Just like, this is total, just like sidebar. But when I launched this show, my idea was like, I'm going to help people understand how they can get booked on stages. And it has really turned into like, my first stage was a disaster. And yet I'm very, I do it very well, successfully now. That was not the direction the show was ever supposed to take, but that is just what it turned into. And that's because—

We probably all have those stories, right?

Yes. I was expecting it to be like, like, oh, here's exactly how I did it and it's great and you should do it too. And it's like, no, here's my horror story. But I made it past it, and now, now this is the great thing that I do. It wasn't expected, but it's, it's very entertaining. Yeah, I enjoy this. I'm, I'm fine with this direction.

Yeah, totally, totally, totally. I love it too. And I think there's— it's so rich to dive into that and then to explore like what happened on the flip side that where we found the comfort in it. I think that's another interesting part of it, right?

Yeah. And let's, let's, let's dive into that because you said like you you felt like you weren't in your body and now that's what you do is you get people back into themselves. And how do you do that? What do you mean by that?

Yeah. So first of all, I realized that I found somebody that was teaching a storytelling class and I signed up for it. And I remember going through, it was a 4-week class and we practiced our stories. And at the end of the 4 weeks, we got up onto a stage in front of you know, under lights and camera with video on us and an audience. We got to invite family members to be in the audience with us. And I was terrified. I was like, oh my gosh, you know, so I was practicing out in my barn with my horses. I'm like practicing my talk and my story.

And it was a story, right? And so it's a story that, you know, you know what the story is. And so I went through those 4 weeks and I was just, I didn't sleep the night before. And then I got up and I did it. And I'm like, oh, that was actually kind of fun. And so I kind of, the storytelling opened the door for me because that was something that, you know, we're not going to forget our stories because we know our stories intimately. And that was my biggest fear was I was going to forget. And then the next thing is I met a woman named Paula Friedland who developed a body of work called Soul Speaks. And it's a really gentle way to, to like really tune into your, your soul, your heart, and let the words flow from you.

And that was a core piece of like really trusting that when I got up onto a stage, that words will come to me that I'm not going to forget and to trust that. So today she and I partner on an event we do for my clients called Soul Speaks from the Stage because I believe in it so much. And it's a way that you just really learn to connect one person at a time in the audience. And I think another thing somebody said to me was that it's not about you, it's about the people in the audience. And so if you can actually really make a connection one person at a time, then you're just having a conversation with one person at a time. And no matter the size of the room, you're just having that conversation one person at a time. So it was these little small things that, you know, little small steps and, you know, of course starting in smaller stages, you know, like a chamber event or something. I've been hosting my Ignite conference.

This would be my 12th year of doing it.

Wow.

You know, I've sold a million, more than a million dollars from the stage. And so, you know, that is over the course of the time, it's like, you know, being able to do that not in a single time, but over, you know, I've sold, Over $1 million from a stage and given from somebody who was so terrified to speak that, you know, I know that this was definitely a part, you know, I want to make a difference. I want to make an impact. And this is a way that I can do that.

I love everything about what you just said. You and I don't know each other very well, but I actually— storytelling is where I live. Like, I have a book. I have a book on storytelling. I teach storytelling. And how dare you go to someone else for your storytelling lessons instead of me? Rude.

Well, I'll have to remember that now.

Clearly, no. Clearly, whoever you went with knows what they're doing because you have become a fantastic storyteller, and I'm so happy about that. But you said some of the same things that I say all the time. Like when someone— I talk about being on podcasts and making sure that you're telling your story and being vulnerable, and I get pushback on that a lot. And it's always like, I don't want to just like talk about myself, or I don't want to open up and be vulnerable. Like, it's always kind of this idea that we're just trying to make everything about ourselves and that's why we're telling stories. And I get asked, like, how do you get past that and how do you stop feeling like that? And I have to just say, like, stop making it about you.

Yeah.

Because you can tell your story and not have it be about you. Think about who needs to hear it.

Yeah.

And who could be—

What's the question of the audience?

Yes.

Can be changed.

If there's one person that can be impacted by your story, then it is selfish of you to not tell it.

Totally.

And I, I love that.

There's one thing I'll add to that is the embodiment piece, right? And that is something that I've just come to over the years. I've done a lot of my own personal work on like, how do I really get into my body? How do I know what's getting, you know, how do I pay attention to the energy that I'm in? And How do I learn to just drop deeply into the core of who I am and let my message come from there? And that's been work that I have evolved over the years through a variety of different trainings and teachings. And I work with horses as an equine-assisted coach, and the horses actually are some of the best teachers in teaching us how to drop into our bodies. So You know, being able to bring that with me, that wisdom that the horses have gifted to me over the years, is, it's been a really great way to, and I, and that's what I love to teach my clients too. It's like, how do you drop into your body and how do you let your message come from deep within and, you know, from your heart, from your soul, whatever that is for you, and let that flow from you versus projecting.

And almost like some of what you're saying kind of makes me think of like stream of consciousness and like typology.

Yeah.

And just kind of seeing— and that, that part almost scares me, but I like, I get on stage usually like I have no idea what's going to come out of my mouth.

Yeah. And it's better when it happens that way, right? It's like if you're like all scripted, and I'm not a good person to script because I don't remember it, and then I get up in my head if I'm, if I'm trying to script myself.

Yes.

But if I let it come from me, then I can just be very connected heart to heart with the people that are in this, in the room.

That's, that's a conversation I have all the time. It's like people say, well, I'm not good at writing stories.

Yeah.

Like, that's not what we're talking about.

You're not telling them.

Yeah. We're, we're not telling you to like write this like novel story and come like develop characters and a plot. Like, no, you're just talking about something that you went through.

Yeah.

You're not writing a story. You're not creating a story. You're just reciting what happened.

Yeah. And if you can take somebody into that space with you, like where they're actually feeling like, oh my gosh, I see the scene around you. I feel what you were going, I feel the emotions you were going through. All, if you can just bring them in, invite them into that, that scene with you. Um, it's, people can really, you know, they experience it with you. Yes.

Yeah. And do you— I know I have like my methods for doing that, but what I want to hear like from you, like what, what are you doing in order to pull people into your stories?

I like to like paint, like I like to share what was around me. What were the smells? What were the— what was I feeling in my, you know, body? What was, um, what was the, you know, the scene? What did it look like? Um, like I often tell a story where, in fact, this was the story that I initially told in my storytelling workshop. And I still use this story because it's a great story. It was a day where it had snowed in Colorado about 18 inches. And a coach had told me to go out and breathe my horse's breath. And so when I tell that story, I paint the picture of me putting on my boots, walking out the door, then the trees were weighted down from the 18 inches of snow. And I trudged up the hill to my barn and there was my horse and she had frost on her whisker or she had, you know, ice on her whiskers and frost was coming out as she, as she was breathing. So I paint the scene, right? It's like, this is what was happening.

And there she was, she was there waiting for me, right? And so I'm able to like just paint the picture of what that, that felt like, you know, trudging up the, the hill and, and the snow, all those sorts of things. Those little bit, those words really matter.

I love that. And you're making me think of Um, so you're in women. Do you know Kathy Riley?

Oh, I love Kathy. She's a good friend.

She's, she's fantastic.

Yeah.

Do you know her horse, um, woman falls, horse laughs story?

Her— say the story.

Woman falls, horse laughs.

No, I don't know that story.

She told me the story on the podcast forever ago, and we recorded it a year ago. And you remember it? I will never forget it. Are you kidding me? I, I'm not gonna try to like tell it, tell it, because she tells it so well. Like, you'll have to go back and listen to it.

Okay.

But all I— she gets like caught on the horse's like bridle or something, like by her pants. She'd like— she gets thrown in the air by this horse and tears her like all of her pants right off. Like, I think, I think the exact word she says is like ass over tea kettle. And then people are walking over and she's just like, and my, my yoohoo's hanging out and Fantastic horse story. Fantastic storytelling method. Very visual. I saw her going ass over teakettle. I don't know what that means, but I saw it.

Yeah, totally. Totally. Oh, I love that you've had this conversation with her. Oh, she's great. Totally. Totally. I might have to have her tell me the story now.

Oh, yes. And I know it's in her book. I think she's like, one of my chapter titles is like, woman falls, horse laughs. And I'm like, I need that story. Tell me, please. Tell me, please. So she is great. What is it? Um, what is this event that you do? And yeah, I, I would love for you to— anytime I have someone that does events, I want like insights on like how you choose speakers.

Yeah.

So yeah, let's talk about that.

Okay. So my event is Extraordinary Women Ignite. It's the 12th year that I've hosted this, and it's all about really coming in and looking, what is your voice being— that is being called as you're stepping into the new year? We hosted in November of every year. So you're getting clarity on what you want to be known for. What you— where you're going to get visible, all, you know, putting all the pieces in that's going to help your business grow to the next level. And so I host that every November. And how I pick my speakers is I do a call for speakers every May. I put out a call for speakers, and people submit their applications.

And I get, you know, I get real clear about like what do I want to have in the room? Like, what's the energy I want to be bringing in the room? What are the topics I'm really looking for? And then I start going through all the applications and start to look for, like, what's the right mix? Because that's the other thing is it's like you start, you know, if you're— if I'm choosing, how many do I do? I do 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. I have 8 speakers. Um, some of them have like a 10-minute spot. Some of them have a 30-minute spot. And so I start to go through them and, you know, I'm like, okay, how's that flow of the day going to go? What's it going to— what's the experience that's going to create for the women in the room? And I look for people that, you know, either I've seen speak or I know are really amazing speakers. And that's how I choose. So it's a fun process, actually. It's Because it's creative, right? It's like the creative— it's a very creative process.

Yeah. It's kind of like creating like a mosaic and like pulling in all of these different like aspects and make one like beautiful picture.

Yeah, totally, totally, totally.

Is there anything that's been in like one of those applications that it wasn't somebody you already knew, but like they put something in that really stood out?

Yeah. And, and you had said when we started, like, your first stage, you said it was like 20 years ago.

Yeah.

What has evolved in, like, your speaking, like, your style or, like, your presentation style? Like, what can you—

Everything.

All of it.

Because there wasn't really anything. There was no style back in 20 years ago.

I, I, I remember I remember how to talk now.

I say the words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I'll even take it from— because I've been speaking now for probably at least 15 years. And so what I'd say is like when I first started, I was like so, you know, I needed to make sure I knew everything that I was going to do. And I'm still a planner. Um, I still, you know, know the, the pathway that I'm going to take people on. I used to practice a ton and a ton and a ton. And I don't necessarily do that so much anymore.

I actually really, like, I know what I teach, right? I know what I know.

Yeah.

And so to me, I'm actually more in the moment to being who I am. And then like that connection to the room than I was when I first started. I was, you know, I would drop up into my head pretty easily early on. And I don't, and I still get nervous sometimes when there's like a, you know, a big room. Like I've got a keynote speaker spot to 150 people in October. And that's not my normal speaking. My normal speaking is I love to teach. I love to, you know, and so keynotes are not my normal thing.

And I am like, right now I'm already like, okay, what, you know, here's some one direction I could go. Here's another direction I could go. And so that one I'm planning a little bit more because that's not my normal approach to speaking. My normal approach is more of a teaching style. And so I've got to, you know, this is, it's a good stretch for me and, um, I'm super excited about it. And I, I'm, I'm, some ideas I've got bubbling. I'm like, oh, this is going to be fun. This is really going to be fun.

So I've just got some ideas that I'm playing with right now. Um, and I'm just giving myself more space to really plan for that because that's something new.

Yeah, I, I just did my biggest stage ever, probably. Um, I think, I think I—

oh, at eWomen?

Yeah, I think so.

I'm sure that was a good-sized room.

It was. I think there was like 500 people there. Yeah, that's, that's probably was my biggest stage, and it was terrifying. Um, but I also did more prep than I usually would, and It was, it felt different. Something about it like felt different.

I'm so bummed I missed it. I'm like, I'm like, just, that's literally the only thing I missed. And I'm like, and I had this meeting right at that time and I'm like, I gotta go take this meeting. And now I'm really bummed I missed it.

Oh, it was, it was fun, but it was, it's, it's kind of like what you were saying. Like I knew everything really well, but I also had to remind myself like leading up to it. kind of like who I was. Like, I had to like really like reaffirm for myself like who I was because first I wasn't going to tell my own story.

Yeah.

And hello, I teach storytelling. I tell everyone to tell your story. And I was just like, nah, they don't, they don't need to hear mine. And then I put it in. I did tell like my story of like how I got started in the podcast space, uh, which also is how like my book came about and like everything, it all tied together. But I also pushed back a little bit on what the heads of EWomen were asking me to put in the slides.

Okay. Yeah.

Because I was talking about podcasting and using it to 10x your business. And they were like, oh, are you going to put the results from our show? Are you going to put download numbers and metrics and stuff? And I was like, yeah, of course, if that's what you want. And then I thought about it. I was like, My whole talk is about we're not looking at download numbers.

Yeah.

And download numbers aren't what is important. That's not what's going to impact our brand.

Yeah.

And I just didn't do it, even though they outright asked me to. And I was just like, they're gonna get mad at me. But I was like, it's not gonna be— it's not gonna make sense in the message, and this message won't be as strong. So I left it out.

Yeah.

And I got really, really great feedback. All week people were telling me how great it was, and they were specifically citing what I said about small download numbers. Because, yeah, this— you missed this, so I'll, I'll tell you.

Yeah, please.

According to Buzzsprout, uh, their data, in order to be in the top 50% of podcasts, your show, an episode, gets 27 downloads in the first 7 days of release.

Oh wow.

So the median podcast It's 27 downloads per episode in the first week.

Wow.

And that was a very—

And it, and it only has to be like the right person listening.

Exactly.

It doesn't have to be 1,000 people that have downloaded that episode. It has to be the right person that says, I need your product.

Exactly.

You resonated with me.

We, we think of a podcast in terms of like the Joe Rogan podcast or like Mel Robbins, these massive shows that were created by people that were already media personalities already had a following and had an audience, and they're starting on third base.

Yeah.

And then there's us that are just starting it because we have something to say. And I, I think letting people know that, like, putting out a show and getting just a handful of downloads is okay.

Yeah.

And it's valid. And it— there's still ways that that's going to—

It's important. Otherwise people leave it, right? If you don't tell them that, if they're looking for the big numbers, which, you know, my podcast is 9 years old. And I, I still don't have gigantic numbers.

Yeah.

You know, it's— but I have a good, a good targeted audience that listens regularly. And that to me is more important than, you know, like the large, large numbers, because what's— it's got to be just the right person. And, and the beautiful thing about podcasts too is that they live on, right? It's like people go back and listen to podcasts from Years ago still.

Yes.

And so they live on. So that's one thing I just absolutely love about podcasts.

Yeah. No, I— are you sure you didn't come to my session? Because I said all that stuff too. We are on the same page for sure. But it was just thinking about those 27 people and how one of those is your ideal client. One of those is your ideal referral partner. one of those is a conference organizer that you want to speak in front of. Just, you have to reframe it and realize that if those 27 people hear your story, that can impact them. You don't have to impact the entire world.

And I've been on the flip side of that too. I've been on, like, my last business coach I found, I heard her speaking on a podcast and I was like, ooh, I like what she has to say. And so then I started, I went to her podcast and just started binging all her stuff. And, you know, I've spent lots of money with her. And so I've been on the flip side of that too, right? Where you just find somebody on a podcast listening and go bingeing all their content and go, okay, I'm in here, I'm going.

Yes, I love that. That's happened. I had someone, one of the episodes, one of my first episodes was someone that I helped write her TED Talk. And someone heard that and then went and listened to all my episodes and then reached out to me like, hey, can you help me write one of my presentations? Like, I love your style. It's like, yeah, absolutely I can. And then there's I've had either guests on the show or I've been guests on their show and I end up becoming their producer. There's so many ways you can connect with people through a podcast and turn it into business and turn it into brand growth that's not just like, I need all these downloads so I can get sponsors. It's so much.

I don't know how we even got on this topic and that is not where this was supposed to go, but that's where it went.

We both love podcasting.

I know. Yeah, I have so many podcast people on this show that this show is— it's now my first stage and podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they're always great conversations and I love them. Yeah. Any like last minute tips or tricks or anything that you would want a wannabe speaker or a beginner speaker to know, or that you wanted— you wish you knew when you started?

Yeah, I would say first of all, start with story. Because you're going to get, I mean, even if your opening line is a story, it's going to drop you into a much more comfortable place.

Yes.

Um, I think another thing before I walk onto a stage, I literally put my hand on, you know, just below my belly button and drop deep into, I mean, like literally feel the inner, my energy drop there to, to that core of me. And I move from that space. And I let my first words come from that space as well. And so like just really being cognizant of like letting things come up through me versus trying to let my head lead. And so I think those are a couple of tips there for you. I mean, before you walk on, just like feel energetically, feel your energy like come deep down into your core and let it come from there.

I love that. And Uh, you mentioned, you mentioned your Ignite conference.

Oh yeah.

How, if people wanted to attend, how can they do that? What's the theme for this year?

Yeah. So early bird tickets are on sale right now at, um, at cammiegellner.com/ignite and they're on sale through September 15th. And so grab your tickets. We, um, it is, it's all about voice and visibility. And, um, I think there's going to be a theme of fire along with the fire horse and all the things that, you know, we're in this year. We definitely hit on fire horse last year, but I think we're still carrying it forward. And I just, I believe that women's wisdom is the medicine our earth needs right now. And so I'm all about raising up women's voices and that's the room to do that in.

It's a room full of movement makers who are here to create change with their voice and create change with their gifts of who they are so that they can help create that, you know, that ripple effect that we get create together. And it's an amazing room to be in connection with so many amazing women in the room, but it's also a great place to really tap into your listening to your heart and soul as you plan for your next year.

I love that. Uh, camigildner.com/ignite, and I will put that in the show notes if anybody wants to go learn more, grab a ticket. And thank you so much for being here and telling your story.

Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.

This was a lot of fun. Everyone, thank y'all for hanging out with us. Come back next week for another My First Age Story.

Bye!