Woman Plans, Horse Laughs: Cathy Reilly’s Message for Aspiring Speakers

Hello and welcome back to My First Stage. We are here at NSA Influence Conference and doing some live recordings with the amazing people that are attending this event. And one of them is right here with me. We've got Cathy Riley. And you've been, you've been in the speaking game for a while.

Um, just a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, um, unofficially 15 years, officially 10.

That, that's a while.

So a little bit, yeah.

Yeah. And what drove you into this? What made you want to get on your first stage?

So I am truly an accidental speaker. So I spent 25 years in litigation, so I was a litigation paralegal making attorneys look good, which That's not easy to do.

It's not an easy job.

No, but I'm doing the Lord's work. So in the courtroom, you know, I was the one watching the jury. So when do we move forward? When do we slow down? When do we need to switch gears? We need a new witness. All of this kind of stuff, because the jury was always telling you which direction they were going. At least I could see it. Um, and then, so did that for 25 years, really good at advocating for everybody else. And then I had 4 surgeries in 5 months. Yes.

Yeah. That's the look I always get.

For fun or?

No, I don't.

We all have our hobbies.

I know. I don't recommend it for most people. Don't, don't do it. So the first one was planned, but the other 3 were not. The one was an ectopic pregnancy and then it was 2 detached retinas. But the ectopic pregnancy is the one where Um, I stayed quiet. I did not advocate for myself. I literally was on the ground in my own vomit, reeling in pain, waiting for my husband, my safe person to come home.

I had the itty bitty shitty committee going on in my head, telling me to sit down, be quiet. You're being dramatic. It's no big deal. It's how many times do we have something happen and we're like, it's nothing. It's nothing. And I'm like, you know, justifying it. I haven't eaten anything. It's, you know, it's all this stuff.

And, um, waited for my Prince Charming to come home, scoop me up, took me to the hospital. And then I was within inches of losing my life because I had been bleeding out internally. Um, if that wasn't enough, because the only thing I heard was I was pregnant. So my daughter's in vitro. I had 2+ years of infertility, all I heard was I got pregnant and I was like, yes. And then I'm an optimist. Yes, I am. And then within 6 weeks, 2 detached retinas with another major surgery.

So as I was healing and heavily medicated, I might add. Yeah. I, I was, I would be.

Yeah.

Yeah. Um, my daughter who was 5 at the time. So picture this innocent, adorable Gerber baby looking girl coming up and saying, here's your dinner, mama. What else can I get you? It, I, I lost it. I absolutely, I, I was crushed. And it was that moment that I made the conscious decision to own my own voice, to step into that, my worth. To combat my itty-bitty shitty committee. And I knew I had no— I was ignorance on fire.

I had no idea what I was doing, right? I'm trained in psychology, 25 years in law. I'm like, I could advocate for everybody else, but I didn't have the faculty to advocate for myself. So I started working with a coach. I read books. I did everything I could. And then within months, people could see a difference. And they were like, what's going on with you, Cathy? What's going on? And I started sharing. What was going on.

And they're like, can you come speak? And I'm like, no. When the— at that point, I realized when the good Lord put something in front of me, whether you believe in the Lord or karma or whatever, when something is presented to you, you need to pay attention. And I didn't, clearly, you know. I was like, bam, bam, bam, you know. And now I'm like, okay, okay, you know, I, I see you, I hear you. So, um, I was asked to speak and I was, I'm an introvert, terrified the snot out of me. And I took, I remember to this day, I took my first stage, terrified, knees knocking, voice shaking, all of that. My husband and daughter were, I still remember they were in the audience.

And then I had a line of people afterward coming up to me telling me that they've been in situations like that before where they didn't listen to themselves. I started having people call me telling me, I finally had the conversation with my doctor, I made the appointment, I did this. And while I was stepping into all of this for my daughter, I realized there's more people I can help. So that became my why. It was— she was my why. She was how I figured— a reason why I figured out how to get outside my comfort zone. She's the one that gave me courage. But then as I started helping people, it was, it was bigger than me.

And so that, and it's just taken off. So that was, you know, she's 19 now. So you do the math. We don't talk about age. Never. But, um, so I've been, I've been helping people. So my company's called Sharing the Shine because when you show up as your authentic self, when you get off the fence, when you start owning your worth, using your voice, showing up, like the badass that you are, you shine. Yeah.

So that's—

yeah, I love that. And you touched on something that we actually talk about a lot. And one of the most difficult things to do as a speaker is be vulnerable and tell the stories like that, the stories that are so deeply personal. But exactly what you said, it gets a little easier when we think about— it's about the people that you're helping, and we have to stop making it about us.

It's not about us.

It's not about us. There's so many people that can hear our stories, and without us even realizing we're having an impact, we are, right? And the amount of people that you were able to maybe even save their life because they finally brought something up to their doctor, because it takes a lot to be listen to in healthcare sometimes. And it's— you didn't have to tell anybody. You didn't have to be that honest and that vulnerable and that transparent and talk about things that were going on with you. You didn't have to do that, but it wasn't about you anymore. And that— did that make it easier to talk about?

Oh, oh, hell no. Hell no. Being vulnerable in front of other people, sharing your story, getting up in front of the stage, even if it's the microphone on a podcast, whatever that is, it's uncomfortable. But here, here's the juiciness, guys. No matter what, you've got to get uncomfortable. Nothing happens, nothing changes if nothing changes. Yeah. And we all have an amazing story.

We all have great juiciness and things within us. We all have these worthy lessons. So we need to own that space and step out there and share it because we will make an impact. We will make a difference. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. That doesn't mean I still get nervous.

Sure.

I get terrified, right? I go through my exercises. I do my box breathing. Thank you very much. Mindfulness, whatever you want to call it. But it, it is bigger than me. And we as humans, we like to make ourselves small. Most of us. Some of us are idiots and just go out there and yell and scream.

But most of us want to make ourselves small because we don't think it's going to make a difference. We don't think it's worthy. We don't think— we're like, who cares? But We do matter, each and every one of us. Imagine a world where everyone would share their positivity. If everyone would share the lessons of resiliency, if everyone would share and communicate effectively in a way that lifts others up, what would that world look like?

I was having a conversation just yesterday with a gentleman who He told— he complimented my shoes. It was something that simple. But he told me, he's like, you know, I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want it to come off weird and like make you think out like anything. It's just— I just— they were really cool shoes. I just like your shoes. And I was like, I decided a while ago because I was always the same way. I was just like, like, I don't want to bother someone just to tell them that I like their outfit or something. I didn't want to bother them or like, what if they don't hear me? And then I decided one day I'm going to say out loud every nice thought I have.

Every positive thought, every kind thought, just say it out loud because there will not be a negative reaction.

No.

If you say something nice to somebody, that will always be a good thing.

Well, see, and here's the thing, and I love that you do that because I'm this— I'm the same way. I've always been somebody who's— I always see the positive.

Yes.

Right. I'm an optimist. I love that. And if there's something that I see that I'm like, oh my God, you look adorable, right? What? That— why not?

Yes.

Why not? Because here's like attracts like. Mm-hmm. So if you are putting that positive energy out there, guess what? There— you could have made their day. Mm-hmm. There's, there's studies, there's articles, there's books out there that they're like, somebody did an act of kindness to this high schooler, and I forget the name of the book. And the story moved me because That was the day the high schooler was getting ready to commit suicide. Yes, he had packed up his stuff, he was getting ready, and, and one of the fellow students helped him on his way home picking up—

he had dropped his books. Yes, yeah, I know this story. He was walking home and he dropped— I think his backpack tore and his back— his books all fell. The reason his backpack tore was because he had emptied out his locker.

Yes.

So his family wouldn't have to do it, to make it easier on his family because he was going to end his life. And the backpack—

so clearly about how all of his next steps. And it was one act of kindness that shifted all of that.

Yes.

And here's the thing. Kindness is free. It doesn't cost you. It doesn't cost me anything to be kind, to give a compliment.

Yes. There was someone earlier that I did a recording with made the example of when you take a candle and use it to light another candle, it doesn't diminish the flame of the first one.

Yes.

It just spreads it farther. Yeah. It's just like that. And I think that ties in so heavily with public speaking.

Yes.

Because you have to talk about the, just the important things and the things that have happened to you and the things that are hard to talk about and the things that are easy to talk about because whatever it is, there's someone out there that relates to it. Yes, and it's going to have an impact. And I also think it's important that we're not only telling the hard things, like tell the happy stories. And the impact that you have can just be making somebody laugh, and that's okay. Like, that is an impact, making someone happy, making their day. Those are other ways to impact people. And if we, if we step away from only focusing on the more difficult things to tell, like, those are still important stories, but you can start with the easier ones and still have an impact.

Absolutely. As humans, all we want is a connection.

Yes.

All we want to be seen and we want to be heard. Right. We just, we want to know we're not in it alone.

Yes.

So sharing who you are, what you bring to the table, the good, the bad, right? Whatever your, your journey. Like I've, I have funny stories with my daughter. I've got a horse, you know, I lost him recently, but the stories that I have, it's actually one of the chapters in my book. It's called Woman Plans, Horse Laughs, right? It's, you know, those are the things. And that's— everybody loves that in my, my talk when I, when I talk about that. Share the good. We just want to connect with other people.

There's a chapter title in my book that is The Girl with the Penis Tattoo. Is that relevant? Absolutely not. Did I have to say it? Absolutely. Because I've got good chapter titles too.

It's way to stir the pot. I mean, come on, it makes you want to read it.

It does. I want to hear what, what made your horse laugh.

Well, okay, so I also want to hear your horse laugh. So it's what happened with my horse. He didn't laugh. We actually— it was a— no, it was a, a, a, a holy shit moment. So horses like to rub on you just like dogs do. I don't know if you're— cats, right? So they like to rub on you. So we were all geared up, just getting ready to ride. And honestly, um, that takes time, right? So I was about 25 minutes in the grooming, the tack, we're all ready to go.

We are ready. My helmet's on. I'm ready to rock and roll. And he's doing his little rub thing. So I'm like, oh, cause he's in a good mood. This is going to be awesome. Well, his bridle gets hooked onto my pant, the loop in my pants. And as he lifts his head, he takes me with him.

So next thing you know, I'm ass over tea kettle. My legs are straight up in the air. My arm— it was like a slow-mo movie. So it's like the legs are— my arms are going— I lock onto his head. He's now deciding to shake me off of him. So it's his big head going— so I'm, I'm like, I'm a rag doll. I got, I got nothing, right? My pants are completely attached to his nose and I'm flopping around. Next thing you knew, you hear this.

I drop, I landed solid, so the arms went up in the air like, I'm, I did this. I'm like, I got this. He and I look at each other like, what the just happened? And my pants were shredded with my Yoo-hoo hanging out. Down to my knees, and I'm like, uh, uh, okay. I'm like, clearly I'm not riding at this point. 3 women hear me screaming, come running over like, what's going on? And honestly, I didn't really realize like what I looked like. Like, I didn't realize my pants were halfway down, and, uh, I, I had on really— I had nice underwear on, so that was good. I had underwear on, but that's also good.

So yeah, that was— that we looked at each other and went, okay, we're done. That, that was all right. That was all right. So woman plans, horse laughs.

Woman laughs.

Yes, it's, it's a great story. Um, we all have stories like that.

Yes, tell those stories. Yes. I feel like that's one of the things, like, people are afraid to be vulnerable and they don't want to be vulnerable. They're also like, don't be afraid to just be embarrassed too. I had— we had someone earlier tell one of her first stage stories of the time she peed her pants on stage.

Nice.

That is a fantastic story. Not something I want to go through, but I'm glad I heard it from somebody else. Those, like, there's so many different types of stories that we can tell, and all of them are going to have an impact. And if the impact is just like lightening someone's day a little bit and giving them a reason to laugh, that is so, so valid and undervalued, I think.

I agree. Agreed. And here's the thing, we've all done stupid stuff. We've all had incredibly embarrassing moments.

Yes.

And when you share your story, you give other people permission to be human too.

Yes.

So we're not in it alone. I can guarantee you, if you have something in your world that you've done something in the last week, month, year that you're completely embarrassed about, somebody else has done it.

So the story that I am known for, that's the basis of my book, the basis of my career, is about the time I went to Ireland and 12-hour bar crawl through Dublin. I ended up with a tattoo that looked more like a penis than the airplane I requested. So I am the girl with the penis tattoo. And I have told that story on every stage I have ever stood on. I have told that story on every podcast. I— it is chapter 2 of my book is the entire— like, I think I just call it like the long version. It's the entire story. And it's just an example of the stories that we don't think are going to matter or be relevant can have so much of an impact.

And it's so humanizing. Yeah, because I can tell you about great things I've done in my career and I will sound like another person who has done great things in their career. But I can probably tell you I'm the only one on any podcast I've been on who ever said the words penis tattoo in the same sentence.

The only one I know. Thank you.

Yeah, you know, that's— that'll be on my tombstone someday, and I'm okay with it. Yes, I've embraced it.

Do you still have the tattoo?

It's been covered up.

That looks like a plane to me. It does now.

Yeah, I've got a before and after slider on my website. I'll show it to you.

Yes, yes, favoreddaughtermedia.com/tattoo.

I will show it to you. Yes, but those stories are so important, so thank you for sharing yours because that was an amazing story.

And my pleasure.

Any other advice that you would give for someone who really wants to get on their first stage or their next biggest stage? What is the other just best piece of advice you can give them?

It's to get off the fence. Stop overthinking it. We like, we like think we got to get ready to get ready. Like, I gotta, I gotta have the perfect story. I gotta have the perfect hook. I've gotta have whatever. I need to be I need to be confident in communication. And at the end of the day, it comes down to courage, not confidence.

So give yourself a running start. Just get courageous. Just do it. Get off the fence. You got this. If I can do it, anybody can do it.

I love that. That is great advice. And for everyone listening, how can people get in touch with you, find out more about you, connect with you?

So my website, thank you for allowing that. So my website is sharingtheshine.com. So sharingtheshine.com. But I also, I do have a podcast, Breaking Bad Communication. So you can find that on Spotify, LA Tribune, Apple, but I also have my own URL because that's a smart thing to do. So breakingbadcommunication.com. So that'll set you up. And you know, if you like that story, there's other lessons that I share.

Um, yeah, it's— I do like to laugh, so it's pretty cool.

Well, thank you for laughing with us today.

It was my pleasure. That's always— it's always fun hanging out with you, and we feel the same.

Thank y'all so much for listening, and come back next week for another story about someone else's first page.

Yeah.