On this episode of Branded, Larry Roberts and Sara Lohse explore the impact of feedback on personal branding. We’re opening up about our experiences with getting feedback as public speakers, and how focusing on negative comments have sent us spiraling.
We’re talking about recent experiences at the AFCPE Symposium and industry networking events that brought up mostly positive feedback, but single negative comments that got more attention than they deserved. We reveal our personal struggles with hyper-focusing on negative comments and how it affects our willingness to put ourselves out there. The episode highlights the importance of balancing constructive criticism with self-confidence in building a successful brand.
Key takeaways:
1. Dealing with feedback: Both Larry and Sara discussed our personal experiences with dealing with feedback and how easy it is to hyperfocus on the negative comments. It’s important to remember that feedback can be constructive and should not be the sole determinant of success or impact.
2. Overcoming rejection hypersensitivity: Sara shares her experience with rejection hypersensitivity as a symptom of ADHD, which causes her to take any potential rejection very personally. It’s essential to understand and address the root of such sensitivities and not let them hinder growth.
3. Balancing sales and value: Sara highlighted the importance of maintaining a balance between sales and delivering value. Emphasizing the positive impact of one’s product or service can help take the “sleaze” out of selling, making it easier to confidently present offerings without feeling overly salesy.
4. Positive impact of products or services: Recognizing the positive impact one’s product or service can have on customers’ lives makes it easier to confidently present and sell without coming across as sleazy.
Transcript
What is happening, everybody? I'm Larry Roberts. And I'm
Speaker:Sara Lohse. And this is Branded, your comprehensive guide to Creative
Speaker:branding. And on this episode of the podcast,
Speaker:we're gonna be taking a little deeper look at well, Sarah had
Speaker:an recently, and we were discussing
Speaker:it just, you know, just having a conversation between the 2 of us. And I
Speaker:went, you know what? This is something that I believe
Speaker:most people that put themselves in a public facing position
Speaker:have to deal with. So, Sarah, I'm gonna let you lay the
Speaker:foundation here and just kinda give us a little backstory on how this
Speaker:conversation started and why we thought, you know what? Why not have this
Speaker:conversation on Brandon? I just got back from
Speaker:New Orleans for the 2nd time in 2 months, And it was
Speaker:for the, AFCPE Symposium. It's the
Speaker:Association For Financial Counselor and Planner Education.
Speaker:I am an accredited financial counselor, so I've been involved with the organization.
Speaker:But I went there as a speaker, and I had
Speaker:kind of 2 presentations. One that was very
Speaker:casual kind of q and a session and one that was my, true
Speaker:presentation as a speaker. And they let
Speaker:people write feedback to for each person's
Speaker:presentation, and they send the feedback to the speaker,
Speaker:and I got mine. And it kind of sent me spiraling
Speaker:a little bit, and I think that's something that Anybody who does
Speaker:public speaking or even podcast, anyone who's doing
Speaker:something that can get feedback and get reviews,
Speaker:I think we look really, really deeply into any negative
Speaker:comment. Our conversation was around how to navigate
Speaker:that feedback, And, yeah, let's let's talk
Speaker:about it because my feelings are hurt. And I no. I
Speaker:can I can totally dig it because I think it was it was? It was
Speaker:earlier this year. That's funny because we were talking about that earlier before we started
Speaker:recording too going, what are we gonna talk about When we do a summary of
Speaker:the year, I'm like, I don't even really know what happened this year. And as
Speaker:I was thinking more throughout the year, I realized that I had a
Speaker:similar situation earlier this year where I had gone to
Speaker:a networking event, and I was one of the featured speakers, and
Speaker:there were actually 3 of us there that were slated to speak that day. And
Speaker:we had, like, 5 to 7 minutes to speak, and, this
Speaker:is my first time at this event with this organization, and I had
Speaker:no idea that after each of us spoke,
Speaker:the entire room of 30, 35 people had the
Speaker:opportunity to grade our presentations. That sounds like
Speaker:bullying. And and it felt like
Speaker:bullying by the end of it because, again, 30, 35 people
Speaker:there.
Speaker:And at the end of the event, they gave us each of us, each of
Speaker:the speakers, these scorecards. And, you know, when I walked out, I got out
Speaker:to the car, I probably had 20, 25 of these cards, and, of course, I'm
Speaker:going through going, oh, that was good. Oh, that was good. Now why would
Speaker:they say that? Okay. Well, hold on. Let me put that in this pile over
Speaker:here. Oh, that was Oh, why would they say that? This pile over here is
Speaker:the one you're gonna go back to. Yeah. Just ruminate. Every night
Speaker:before you go to sleep And just ruminate on
Speaker:Yeah. Like, those really good ones. Those accidentally end up in,
Speaker:like, the recycling bin, and you never think about them again. Yeah.
Speaker:But that one little pile of, like, he was okay. Yeah. It's
Speaker:like, why was I just okay? Yeah. They go over here into what I call
Speaker:the Pink Floyd pile because I turn on Pink Floyd, and I I get all
Speaker:depressed, and I read these these reinforcing depressing messages
Speaker:as I listen to the final cut. But it it's
Speaker:so hard to go through and and
Speaker:and focus on the positive And and then not
Speaker:necessarily ignore, but just try to learn from and grow from some
Speaker:of the less positives. So I know you were struggling with that as well, but
Speaker:it like I said, it was just opportunity for me to relate. Yeah.
Speaker:I don't love public speaking. I really
Speaker:don't. I do it often, and I'm getting more comfortable with
Speaker:it, But it's just never been something that I've liked to
Speaker:do. I feel like public speaking is really polarizing. There's some
Speaker:people who love it. Like, You you enjoy public speaking and you
Speaker:would you wanna actually be a full time speaker.
Speaker:I When I grow up.
Speaker:I don't. I do them because I feel it's
Speaker:necessary for thought leadership, and I want to grow in the space,
Speaker:but I haven't figured out what to do
Speaker:with my hands. I don't, like, I I don't feel
Speaker:comfortable up, like, up on stage.
Speaker:But I spoke at this event, and I spoke
Speaker:on how to grow a financial practice through podcasting,
Speaker:which is something I have great experience, and I did it for years, and I
Speaker:continue to. And I got great feedback. And that's one of the
Speaker:things that when we talk about Public speaking as a
Speaker:like a avenue to thought leadership, one of the things that you
Speaker:we talk about is that you get that instant feedback.
Speaker:So you can see the reactions of people, and you can hear what makes
Speaker:them clap, what makes them laugh, what makes them audibly
Speaker:just, like, groan. And so I was getting that feedback,
Speaker:and everything was really positive. And then I finished my presentation.
Speaker:There was not enough time for all of the questions people As I had people
Speaker:coming up to me telling me, like, that was so great. Thank you for your
Speaker:presentation, asking me more questions, and people were saying
Speaker:really, really nice things. But then I get sent the
Speaker:survey responses from the people who attended. Like,
Speaker:everyone has the opportunity to take a survey. And
Speaker:the room it was a pretty big room, and it was pretty full. I would
Speaker:say there was at least 50 something people in there And
Speaker:at least like, it's probably more. And only 2
Speaker:people filled out the survey. The ratings I got were really
Speaker:good, And one of the people who left, like, an
Speaker:actual, like, written, message,
Speaker:was very positive. But the other person, they weren't
Speaker:negative. They said, like, overall, did great, but said
Speaker:something about me being really sales y. And
Speaker:despite all of the people who were saying great things and thanking me for
Speaker:the value and all of that, that's what stuck with
Speaker:me. Because people, they have
Speaker:a way of finding that one thing that you're really self
Speaker:conscious about and just, like, picking at it.
Speaker:And that's what I'm self conscious about is I try so
Speaker:hard to not be sales y in these situations.
Speaker:Well, you even have consulting. It that don't you have an ebook, I think,
Speaker:on how to convert, How to be how to sell without being salesy or do
Speaker:you have something like that? It was a presentation that I did for Alex
Speaker:Sanfilippo's, Pod Pros, and it's on his website. There you go.
Speaker:That was one that I thought I was terrible in, but he's like, I send
Speaker:that to everybody. And I'm like, oh. Can we
Speaker:ever do an episode of Brandon and not mention Alex? I'm just Probably not. We
Speaker:are president and vice president of the Alex Danfilippo fan club.
Speaker:I mentioned that on in my presentation too, just not even on purpose. It
Speaker:just comes out. That my whole thing is that I do not like to be
Speaker:sales y, which as a business owner probably isn't even a good thing because I
Speaker:need to sell sell. I need to bring in clients, but
Speaker:I try not to be sales y. And when I speak
Speaker:at conferences within the podcast industry Yeah.
Speaker:I feel Comfortable. Well, at least more comfortable
Speaker:because I really don't have anything to sell,
Speaker:and I'm just giving value. But when I speak at an event Like this
Speaker:where, technically, yes, I I sell the service that I'm
Speaker:talking about. I feel like the vendor, And I
Speaker:feel like I'm not only giving value, I am kind of
Speaker:giving a sales pitch, which I don't like, but I sat
Speaker:there looking at this comment trying to like, just really
Speaker:looking back at everything that I said and trying to find
Speaker:where it was that it felt sales y. Mhmm. And it's been
Speaker:bothering me. Like, I got that feedback yesterday, maybe the day
Speaker:before, And it's been on my mind ever since. And
Speaker:if whoever wrote that is listening, please tell me what I said. Please please be
Speaker:specific. I know you weren't trying to hurt my
Speaker:feelings. I know that. But just I really just wanna know what
Speaker:it is that I said Because I've even looked back and,
Speaker:I know I I'm actually I think I'm gonna get the recording, so I can
Speaker:watch it. And I think it does be good to share with our audience. Right?
Speaker:And since that's kind of a follow-up or not. No. No one else
Speaker:needs to see this. Nobody else needs to see this. No. Nobody else needs to
Speaker:see this. I I guarantee they do, and I think that would be really
Speaker:interesting to put it out there, and and, Sarah, that's that's
Speaker:why we're doing this episode in the 1st place is we're talking about how we
Speaker:deal with our, with ourselves, by putting
Speaker:our brands out there, by putting our faces out there, by creating
Speaker:content, by doing things that establish us as thought leaders,
Speaker:as industry leaders, as the faces of
Speaker:our brands. And in doing that, You know, you're you're
Speaker:sharing your story, which I appreciate,
Speaker:but we're also going above and beyond that by exposing
Speaker:ourselves. You You know, we're we're we're opening up our our hearts
Speaker:and our minds to the feedback that we get, and it can
Speaker:be extremely daunting to do that, and and you're demonstrating that right now by
Speaker:going, no. No. No. No. Nobody else needs to see my presentation. And I know
Speaker:I'm putting you on the spot here, and we need to discuss this part of
Speaker:it before we hit record. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So but I think that's what's
Speaker:I I think that would be amazing to put that out there as a supplement
Speaker:to this episode. Once you get it, you know, just have a callback to this
Speaker:episode And get feedback from our listeners and
Speaker:see just how sales y you were because I know
Speaker:that's a huge problem. I I have a hard time
Speaker:being salesy as well. Yeah. And I sat it on
Speaker:a I'm in 2 big masterminds, one Alex Sanfilippo's mastermind,
Speaker:then I'm in another one, some guy that does some podcast something, the
Speaker:outlet something or other. And then I did another.
Speaker:High performing mastermind. These cats are are
Speaker:massive power players. I mean, decamillionaires multiple times
Speaker:over. Everybody at every level has
Speaker:a very similar problem, and I I know that you're
Speaker:struggling with with the Perceptually negative feedback that you
Speaker:got, but it's something that we all deal with. So how how do
Speaker:we move forward from this, and how do you grow from this? I hope you're
Speaker:not asking me because I don't know. Okay. Good. Good.
Speaker:So maybe rhetorical? Semi rhetorical? I don't know. Audience,
Speaker:tell us. There you go. It's funny because I remember
Speaker:being at the event and people in person coming up to me to
Speaker:Thank me or tell me it was great. And someone
Speaker:said specifically, like, it was like, there was so much value
Speaker:there. And I even said to them like, basically, just, like, word vomited at
Speaker:them, saying, like, thank you so much for saying that. I am
Speaker:always so scared that I'm going to come off as sales y, and that's not
Speaker:what I was trying to do. And they're like, oh, no. No. I mean, like,
Speaker:obviously, like, you do this for a living, but that came off in the
Speaker:value. And I'm like, oh my goodness. You're the nicest person ever. I'm
Speaker:like, even thinking back to my presentation because
Speaker:if I knew what it was Specifically that I said, like, maybe I'll take it
Speaker:out next time or make sure to specify the ways you could do it
Speaker:yourself. You don't need me or something. But I am jump in there. Why
Speaker:would you take it out? Why would you take it out? Because I
Speaker:because we're dealing with we're we're dealing with how many comments? 1.
Speaker:1. And now you're sitting here going through this The part that kills
Speaker:me is it wasn't even a mean comment. Like, this person wasn't trying to be
Speaker:mean. They were they were to be constructive Right. But it made me spiral. And
Speaker:they even said, like, overall, though, great presentation. Right. And but
Speaker:I that's that's not what I read. I read the You are a
Speaker:salesperson. Get off stage. This is so sleazy. Never mentioned,
Speaker:but that's what how I read it. But I was looking back. I'm like, what
Speaker:was the actual content? And, I mean, you know,
Speaker:me and you sat down. We went through my presentation. We cut it in half,
Speaker:Got rid of half of it and added more so it would be super actionable.
Speaker:Like, I we we put the 7 steps to take to launch
Speaker:a podcast, Like, explaining exactly how to do it. I
Speaker:mean, we've And killed the whole thing, almost the whole thing, 2 days before
Speaker:you left or a day before you? Because we're like, this is not
Speaker:enough value. Right. And so at one
Speaker:point, I touched on lead generation and how lead
Speaker:generation is one of the keys to having a podcast grow your
Speaker:business. Right. So I'm like, I don't have time to really dig into
Speaker:this, But you can see, a, an example, and,
Speaker:b, like, learn more about it if you download this
Speaker:ebook. And I specifically explained them, like, this is
Speaker:a lead magnet about lead magnets. If you download this, you
Speaker:are added to my mailing list and will receive Four emails
Speaker:spaced 2 days apart each. That, like, that is what's going to happen.
Speaker:So I made it very clear. It wasn't one of those, like, here's some free
Speaker:content. It's Super free. Nothing happens. I'll never speak to you again. Like, there
Speaker:was no, like, smoke and mirrors. I was just like, here's a
Speaker:lead magnet. If you wanna get it, go ahead. Right. And So
Speaker:the like, I even told you, like, the only thing I can think of that
Speaker:I said that sounded sales y was, like, 1, someone asked,
Speaker:how to guest on podcasts, and I was like, well, there's options
Speaker:like like working with a coach like me who can book you
Speaker:on shows, Or you can use a, like, a
Speaker:program like PodMatch. Shout out Alex Anfilippo again. Oh, is she
Speaker:gonna say it? Is she gonna say it? Oh, Jesus.
Speaker:This episode is sponsored by Podmatch. We're making this happen, Alex.
Speaker:Like, come on now. But, like, I gave, like, a
Speaker:very low cost, nothing to do with me option. So, like, I was
Speaker:trying to kinda balance it and not make it seem like you need me because
Speaker:you don't. And, oh, and then the acronym I made
Speaker:for the steps Uh-huh. To creating a podcast, it was a finance
Speaker:event, so I made it spell out capital Because capital is another
Speaker:word for money, and then I made a lame joke of, so everyone take out
Speaker:your wallets. Just kidding. Not that kind of capital.
Speaker:And I'm like, was that them thinking I actually meant, like, okay.
Speaker:Now pay me? Because I make bad jokes when I'm uncomfortable.
Speaker:And if you don't believe me, I also there's a there were video and
Speaker:photographers and stuff because they recorded the whole thing, and they give us
Speaker:photos of us speaking. The guy comes up. It wasn't
Speaker:even a stage. It was kind of like a classroom. So I'm just standing in
Speaker:the front. I'm not on a stage. He comes up, and he's like,
Speaker:What on what would be the stage with me, and he's kneeling down,
Speaker:like, 7 feet from me. And I Stop my presentation,
Speaker:look at him, and say, that is not my angle. Please get up.
Speaker:Like, I didn't mean to say that out loud.
Speaker:I blacked out a little bit. But
Speaker:why really, why is it that we just focus so much
Speaker:on anything that is not
Speaker:fully positive. Yeah. And and it it's It
Speaker:stops us from doing a lot of things, honestly. Yeah. Above and beyond just
Speaker:getting on a stage or evaluating our performance Once we get off of a
Speaker:stage or we get out from a a group of people or even
Speaker:more so, you know, because we talk about posting on social media all the time.
Speaker:So many people hold back from putting themselves out there
Speaker:like you did at this conference, like I do at a variety of conferences
Speaker:as well, Like we do on social media, because
Speaker:they're afraid of this 1 comment, this 1
Speaker:comment that sets us back that we're gonna hyperfocus on that's
Speaker:gonna derail all of our other efforts, and
Speaker:it's so hard to just look at that comment and
Speaker:go, who cares? It's it's not that you don't you shouldn't
Speaker:not care. If it's just, like, mean and, like, obviously, this person is
Speaker:just, like, The angry woman on Yelp who is just going to yell at
Speaker:everybody. Yeah. But find the find something constructive
Speaker:in it. And if it is actually saying something
Speaker:like I didn't like this piece of the presentation or I
Speaker:didn't like like, Okay. Like, let's learn from that. Let's see.
Speaker:Like, look back at it, determine for yourself if it has
Speaker:merit, and make make changes if necessary.
Speaker:But instead, we just take it so personally.
Speaker:Yeah. Yeah. And I say we as in me. I am
Speaker:we. Oh, no. You can say me because I do it I I just told
Speaker:you. When we started there, I did the same I did the same thing. I
Speaker:have my Pink Floyd pile. Anytime I get any kind of
Speaker:of grades or or feedback or anything along those lines. Yeah.
Speaker:And it's it's super, super easy to fall down that trap,
Speaker:But we can't do that. We we can't let ourselves get sucked up in this
Speaker:this sea of negativity. Yeah. We we have Apparently, I have
Speaker:a medical reason For this. Come on now.
Speaker:So I, in the past, like, I don't know, maybe,
Speaker:like, 2 years, I finally got my ADHD
Speaker:diagnosis. K. It's kind of that moment where
Speaker:everything's in your life starts to make sense. K. Like, all of these things since
Speaker:I was a child that I thought were just personality quirks were actually symptoms.
Speaker:But one of the symptoms, of ADHD
Speaker:is called rejection hypersensitivity.
Speaker:K. So anytime you get anything that
Speaker:could feel like a rejection. You take
Speaker:it so so personally. You're hypersensitive to it.
Speaker:Interesting. And so I'm like, Part of me is like, okay.
Speaker:Cool. It's not, like, my fault. I my chemicals are
Speaker:all out of whack. So that makes me feel a little bit better, but, also,
Speaker:it doesn't because I'm still crying in the middle of the night because someone said
Speaker:they didn't love my shoes. If if anyone else
Speaker:understands this feeling, like, Let me know. I'm not alone because
Speaker:this is just, like, ridiculously annoying to live
Speaker:with. But it's like if you ask someone to hang out
Speaker:and they say, oh, I already have plans, but you can come if
Speaker:you want, that's, like, the meanest thing you can say to me.
Speaker:Why? I don't know. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD
Speaker:because, well, you know, there is a bit of a generation, gap
Speaker:here, But I go through everything
Speaker:that you're talking about. Literally, every emotion I
Speaker:have to say Hold on. What? Do you not know you have ADHD?
Speaker:I've never do. I've never been diagnosed.
Speaker:Okay. Well, you've Doctor Sarah is here to
Speaker:tell you that Look. You have ADHD. I'm sorry to break
Speaker:the news here. Debate I don't debate that I would be diagnosed with it
Speaker:By any stretch of the imagination, I don't debate it at all. You you
Speaker:have it. I'm just telling you that I relate because you're not
Speaker:alone. I have these Same thing. If you go, yeah. You can still tag along
Speaker:if you want. If you would just say, like,
Speaker:I already have plans, but we'd love you to join us. Like,
Speaker:that simple change, that makes it go from, like, oh,
Speaker:it's so unfortunate. I've already made plans because I would love to see you.
Speaker:Oh, here's an idea. Just come. We like, you would add to this
Speaker:experience. So great if you showed yet. Like, you can come if you
Speaker:want. Is like, I hear that as we don't want you there,
Speaker:but if you want to force yourself upon our existence,
Speaker:we won't Outwardly object to it
Speaker:Yeah. Out loud Yeah. Like, that is what my brain hears.
Speaker:So I I think the whole point of this, just know that These types
Speaker:of Yeah. We had a point. Yeah. We had a point. You you get this
Speaker:kind of feedback, and it's very, very easy as someone that's trying to establish
Speaker:themselves, establish their build business, and build a brand. You're going to get this kind
Speaker:of feedback, and it's super, super
Speaker:destructive to dwell on these
Speaker:singular comments that come in and and use that
Speaker:as the foundation of your success or the foundation of the impact that you're
Speaker:having, and it's just it's not productive in any way, shape,
Speaker:form. So, if you're faced with this, please please
Speaker:don't don't focus on all of the negativity. Focus on all the positive
Speaker:things that's going on. You're having. Focus on the impact that your brand
Speaker:is having and continue to build and continue to grow.
Speaker:And relating specifically to that feedback that I got,
Speaker:If you own a business, you
Speaker:can try to sell to people. Like,
Speaker:you need sales to continue to feed your family
Speaker:and run your business. Don't be afraid to be sales y, but also
Speaker:Make sure you're bringing value and your main takeaway
Speaker:isn't pay me for something. It's here's how you can do it
Speaker:and let me know if you need help with it, I guess,
Speaker:but I'm so like, I I don't know why I'm giving this advice as if
Speaker:I'm gonna take it, but because I'm so afraid of being salesy. But I have
Speaker:to remember, like, okay. Sales is a part of this. Sales is part of running
Speaker:a business. Yeah. So if you believe in what you're selling
Speaker:and you think that this is a product that can positively impact
Speaker:somebody's life, that takes the sleaze out of the selling,
Speaker:in my opinion, because you're not just selling something that's
Speaker:useless, that's, like, just gonna sit on a shelf and take up space. You're
Speaker:selling something that can make their life better or make their life easier.
Speaker:So tell them about it and give them the opportunity to
Speaker:decide if they want what you have to offer because,
Speaker:otherwise, they're never gonna know. So that's that's my
Speaker:the the piece of advice that I'm going to hope someday I can take.
Speaker:There you Go. Well, if you found some value in this episode, hey. Do us
Speaker:a favor and tell somebody us for things. Yeah. Pay us for things too
Speaker:while you're at No. But seriously, tell
Speaker:somebody about it. And while you're at it, do us a huge favor and smash
Speaker:that subscribe button so We can continue to bring you this insight
Speaker:that we both go through. We're right there with you every step of the way.
Speaker:So with that, I'm Larry Roberts. And I'm Sarah Lacey,
Speaker:and we'll talk to you next week.
